Peace Among Silence

Does God hear me?

Many of us have whispered this question to ourselves. I know I have. Struggles can cause doubt. Circumstances can seem hopeless. Unanswered prayers remain unanswered and we seem to wonder why.

People can go through different stages in their relationship with the Lord. My case? Starting out, I rightfully turned to God in my troubles but began to ignore God in my happiness. Everyone experiences pain and I’ve known my fair share. Lets just say God and I have ridden quite some rollercoaster. Eventually I started cursing God for my pain. Ignoring him in my happiness still. Dwelling in my own mind, depending on a heart within myself that I couldn’t even understand. Refusing to let God in again because…what was the point? I’m too far gone.

Many can relate to these feelings. Many can feel as though God isn’t listening. I changed my way of thinking one day when I read this saying,

“Don’t be a part-time Christian who demands a full-time God.”


It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was not only missing out on a relationship with the Lord, but I was missing out on discovering who I am if I ran after God with an open heart, holding nothing back. The more and more I seek God, the more I understand how to live in this world. How to deal with things and how to love. It all starts with making a choice. A choice to pursue the Lord and lay your life in his hands.

It is in this time that perseverance and patience are tested. Please remember that God is ALWAYS listening. Gods power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). His compassion is stirred up and he gets to work when we cry out to him with a humble heart. He works behind the scenes.

This is a relationship though, so we must give to God not only because he deserves all the glory, but because relationships are not one-way streets. Spending time with God and living a life that glorifies him. Making choices that glorify him. Unanswered prayers sometimes go unanswered for a reason. If you’re like me, not understanding something can really get under your skin. It’s hard but God has a plan and we must continually refocus our minds on God’s promises.

I was praying to God one night recently. I prayed about going back to school and the financial struggles of attending. I prayed his will be done and to help me financially if school was a part of the plan he has for me. The very next day I went to the financial aid office and through reasons that I am still flabbergasted about, all four years ended up being covered from a surplus of financial aid. I take no credit and give God the glory. I only tell this story because I want people to know that God does hear our prayers. His voice becomes more clear the closer we grow in a relationship with him. God’s timing is perfect. If something is aligned with his will and he believes we are ready to accept whatever it is, so it will be.

We do not know what the future holds. I have struggled and continue to struggle with this. I am human. We will never be perfect, that is why we need God. I cry out to him because I am so adamant about following his will for my life. Hoping I haven’t messed up God’s best for me with every decision made. Praying for him to forgive me for the choices I’ve made and asking him to help me forgive myself, because regret and guilt can dig a deep hole inside a person’s soul. I have a deep, emotional heart and I care so much, sometimes too much about everything. Which isn’t always a bad thing but I have to remind myself that his ways are higher than my ways. And his thoughts are higher than my thoughts (Isaiah 55:9).

Deep down, I know the truth. I know God is in control. He is in control of everything and nothing surprises him. We are still humans though. Satan can poison your thoughts and doubt can creep back in your mind. When that happens turn to God. Turn to God every time. You might feel exhausted but we must run to God. We must strive to have patience, perseverance and hope. God is preparing a heart that is healed and ready to love. Then when something good comes into our lives, we must remember to keep praising God, following and loving him.

God loves you and he wants you to love as Christ loved us. Agape love. As humans we cannot achieve such perfect love but we can certainly try. Try with all our hearts.

Nikki.

Sunday Post

Currently, I am drinking my ice tea while trying to cure a headache. Anyone who is prone to headaches understands that the quicker they dissipate…the better. I am also sitting here, typing on my computer and hoping something inspiring will pop into my head. Every once in a while I think too hard and I just need to walk away for a bit. You can’t force yourself into an idea sometimes. It normally finds you itself. That’s when it is usually really something inspiring.

I’ve always been a good writer but recently I’ve gotten caught up in life and forgotten the things that used to make me happy. I used to paint. I used to write all the time. Poetry, letters or in a journal with my sporadic and un-organized thoughts. I cannot tell you how many times in the past, when I was stressed, that I turned to my notebook and started writing. I have old sketchbooks that I don’t even use anymore. I was really good.

Sometimes life can make us forget who we are. The things we love doing. The gifts that God gave us. If I was more disciplined on the piano, I most likely would have been even better than my intermediate playing now. I think about that all the time because I love the piano. I am drawn to it. I see a piano, any piano, and every bone in my body wants to run over and start playing it. The beauty is, is that there is time.

God has blessed us with gifts. Things we are drawn to and have a passion for. Why not put some focus on those things and see where they take you. God gave you a passion for business, go for it. God gave you a passion for music, go for it. Follow our passions, our god given gifts and live a life for God. If God does not want you to go down one door, he will shut it. God will create opportunities for you. He will not forsake his children who love and follow him.

Align your life with the goodness of God’s word. The truth he has for our lives and the love he has for us. Trust him in all circumstances. Even if you feel weak or unable to trust, pray that he will give you the strength to trust him. I constantly have to ask the Lord over and over again to forgive me for faltering in my trust. To forgive me for the mistakes I have made and remove my guilt. Then I give him my whole heart all over again and ask him for peace. It’s a daily struggle but it is a beautiful one because I know that I have a mighty and gracious father in the sky rooting for me.

Get out there, love the Lord and love others. Share your gifts with the world and have faith. The Lord is with you.

Nikki.

Video

Spoken For; Alyssa Bethke

The Jefferson Bethke youtube channel is a great resource for guidance and dating advice plus the Bethke family is adorable! Here is a video that genuinly helped me through a rough time. I wanted to share it with you girls out there who need to hear this!

(I do not take credit for this video) ©Jefferson Bethke

I highly recommend looking into the book Spoken For by Robin Jones Gunn and Alyssa Joy Bethke. It is a lovely book about realizing who you are in God. At the end of each chapter, there are discussion questions so it would be a great read for a group study! It is listed under my Goodreads section if you want more information!

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Home We Go

We are such fragile fragments in this infinite universe. Sometimes a person will go through many trials before they reach a place where they are somewhat content. It’s a daily struggle, sometimes minute by minute. They have to battle their brain and cage their poisoning thoughts.

But God is there.

I’m here to tell you it’s not enough to say your a Christian and go to church. Your daily life and your activities need to reflect God. Spend time with him and speak to him like he is your friend because that’s what he is. He is your father and your friend. He loves you.

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” (Corrie Ten Boom)

I’ve spent so much time putting him off. Trying to fix my own problems…leaning on my own spirit to make me happy. It obviously didn’t work. I’ve been through so much in my life because I keep making the choice to ignore him. So God keeps bringing me to a place where all I have is him. It’s hard but changes needed to start happening and I’m still continuing to grow.

I know pain. I know struggle. I know that sinking feeling that consumes you. You feel constantly short of breathe and in my case my thumb twitches constantly when I’m stressed! You feel like a zombie. It’s not a good place to stay in, so I know it seems impossible. I know you feel weak, but you have to fight through it and look to God. Every minute. Every day. You have a purpose. There is hope. And God does have a plan.

God created humans with our free will in tact, so without free will we wouldn’t have the choice to follow him. He gave us freedom to live our lives. That’s the beauty of it. That’s love. And when you get led astray by the wrong things, we have the peace of knowing God is always there.

We live our lives for God. This life is all about him. To glorify him. Then he calls us home and everything we experience on this earth seems minuscule.

Nikki.

Hope Remains

To those who feel insignificant.

Like you’re just not fully seen or understood. You go about your day feeling like you are just good enough but never that important. Not fully appreciated by those you try so hard to find acceptance in.

The world closing in around you like you’re its enemy. It’s not just one thing. It’s a million things inside another million things.

You go out of your way for anyone. You work hard. You try not to complain because you know others have it worse.

But inside you’re screaming.

Some days are good and luckily it is those days that energize you. Fill you up again. Keep you hoping.

Hope is the cure. It fights that voice in your head that tells you to give up. It brings joy and happiness to your soul. When you lay there at night and daydream about what could be. What you wish for. Dreams that could come true. Keep dreaming. Keep going. But most importantly keep hoping.

It’s so easy to feel like a zombie. Like your body is moving but there’s no life inside of you anymore. What’s the point? Why am I here? Trust me, many…many others are with you and understand.

Each situation is different. Just because one persons situation seems worse does not discredit your emotions. Your pain.

You matter. Your pain is real and it’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to realize you deserve better. It’s okay to love others even though they might not treat you the way you want to be treated.

Stay true to yourself. Become a light in this world and don’t give up.

You’ll be seen someday. You’ll be appreciated. You’ll be loved. So loved. Because you believed patience was the best for you even though it sucked. You waited. Never settling. You have felt pain. You have learned lessons.

It will come together. I know this is just another person telling you it will be okay. There are many articles like this, but hopefully if you happen to be reading this one I hope to inspire. These are just words. I wish I could heal your pain but I can barely even heal mine. I can only wait and be patient and hope. So I pass that on to you.

Take charge of your happiness. Grab it by the reigns and never give up even through the crappy days.

Let life hit you…but always get back up.

Nikki.

 

If you are ever experiencing suicidal thoughts please call the suicide hotline listed below.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline

1-800-273-8255